So many moments I feel .. not worthy – and recently, I have been present, really present at two major moments in my friends’ lives. One friend lost his mother. At the funeral, memorial service, at a small church (and we don’t go to church) in the neighborhood where we grew up (this is my neighborhood , I told my love), four of us who love Kevin and have loved him for 28 years stood in a doorway  with him, telling stories of our lives now, eating punch bowl cake (which has strawberries and cream) and urging each other to eat more, to hold the moment on our tongues – distracting us from pain and also holding space for pain at the same time. Being open to connection, making space for love, knowing this was where I needed to be – I felt worthy and loving and loved.

I wasn’t sure I would feel worthy of being in a relationship that was healthy and good for me until pretty recently. I remember moments of being happy and someone taking really good care of me, and at the same time, still felt like I might not be good enough or worth the trouble. And eventually, I knew I wanted the good stuff to win, and I started believing I was worth it – little by little – and then somehow it happened.